First of all: I love Gwen Stefani. I think she is so ossom!! I don't go nutso over celebrities often, but I LOVE Gwen!!

I don't even care much for her solo stuff (though I am a HUGE No Doubt fan), but I still love her to death. Even when she sports crazy hair or weird outfits accessorized with Harajuku girls, she can do no wrong in my eyes.

Her marriage to Gavin Rossdale? And li'l baby Kingston with his adorably baby fauxhawk? The fact that she named her son "Kingston" (the capital of Jamaica, for those of you who didn't know)? COOLEST FAMILY EVER!!!!

Okay, now that I'm done fawning over Gwen (who looked gorgeous on the show, btw), let's get down to the goods!

As for the theme in general, it wasn't great. I wish they'd made the kids sing her solo stuff because I don't care too much for any of those (except for "Hollaback Girl" and "Cool," which were my summer anthem songs two years ago). Every No Doubt song that was sung brought tears to my eyes. I told my sister, "Every time one of them sings a No Doubt song, I want to stab them -- no, I want to stab myself to prevent the recollection."

Gwen being fabulous and dishing out advice

Dude, if I'd been that close to Gwen Stefani and getting personal vocal tips from her, I'd be sobbing my eyes out like this:

"Oh, Gwen, I love you so much!!!"

But, as for her judging, I'd say she was a li'l too nice; she could have stood to be a li'l more honest. BUT I STILL LOVE YOU, GWENNIE!!!!!

On to the rankings!!

10. Sanjaya Malakar (SHOULD BE BOOTED)

"Bathwater"

*sigh*

When will the torture end? I feel bad for the kid; he must be torn between wanting to stay on and knowing he isn't good enough.

But, man, that hair. He was channeling Adrian Young when he should have gone for Tony Kanal. I think he'd look much better with a shaved head.

And the fact that he butchered "Bathwater," one of my favorite songs from my favorite No Doubt album (The Return of Saturn)? Dude, you should know that you don't have a strong enough voice to pull this off. Just because your rendition of "You Really Got Me" was well-received (and more out of relief than anything else, that's my theory) doesn't make you a rocker. PUT DOWN THE NO DOUBT AND BACK AWAY SLOWLY.

He deserves to go, but he won't. Darn you, Indian community and Howard Stern!!!

9. Chris Sligh

"Every Little Thing She Does is Magic"

*double sigh*

Every week, Chris gets worse. And he's left with no room to showcase his sense of humor and it becomes clearer and clearer that he's not long for this show.

Last night was abysmal. He was off-beat, off tune, and just sloppy all around. I like him, but I won't cry if he gets the boot. I think he'll stick around, though, because he's got the Christian community behind him.

8. Haley Scarnato (WILL BE BOOTED)

"True Colors"

zzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZ....

*snort* Huh? What? Oh, sorry... the mere thought of Haley sends me right to sleep.

I think Simon summed up her performance perfectly when he said it was "sweet and forgettable." The vocals weren't bad, but she's got this breathy quality that bores the crap outta me. Proves that last week was a fluke. I think she's due to get the boot.

7. Chris Richardson

"Don't Speak"

Man, this performance made me so mad. "Don't Speak" is a song full of anguish and despair, about a relationship on the brink of its demise. When Gwen sang it, with Tony right behind her, it made you want to ball up your fists and pound on the nearest man to make them all pay for the jerks they tend to be.

Timberfake turned it into a sappy ballad, and I'll never forgive him for that.

I was tempted to put him at the bottom of the list, but I begrudgingly had to admit that his vocals weren't bad enough to merit that. Still, for this alone, I viciously hope he will get booted. I don't think he will, but I'll cheer if he does.

6. Blake Lewis

"Love Song"

It pains me to do this because I really love Blake. He's a cutie-patootie and I love his beatboxing skillz.

And I LOVED this song... when 311 did this version two years ago for the 50 First Dates soundtrack. I laughed out loud when Paula couldn't stop talking about how "original" it was.

The truth is that his performance was a sad imitation of the greatness that is 311, which was a fun twist on the ossomness that is The Cure. Sorry, Blake. You're no Nick Hexum and you're certainly no Robert Smith.

5. Phil Stacey

"Every Breath You Take"

I feel so weird about putting Sgt. Gollum ahead of Blake this week, but I'm faced with the uncomfortable truth that Phil was actually darned good this week.

Still creepy-looking, but those vocals were great.

But I wouldn't cry if he got booted, either. I don't think there's any way he's going to win this year.

4. Jordin Sparks

"Hey Baby"

Of all the people who did No Doubt tonight, Jordin's was the best. I think that's mostly because she has the best voice of the three.

I tried to like it, I really did, but I think my No Doubt bias kicked in and I was unable to really enjoy her performance. Sorry. I just don't think that anyone can rock No Doubt but Gwen.

3. LaKisha Jones

"Last Dance"

The vocals were great. LaKisha's vocals are always great. But I think she's second only to Haley when it comes to boring performances. She was SO BORING. Even though she was moving around the stage and stuff, I felt like she could fall into a narcoleptic fit at any moment.

That's my big beef with LaKisha. Great voice, no personality. Reminds me of Latoya London from Season Three.

2. Melinda Doolittle (WILL WIN THE WHOLE SHEBANGBANG

"Heaven Knows"

Oh, Melinda. Everyone knows that I love you the best (besides Gwen); it's no secret. And, while your performances have been consistently good, you haven't really been blowing me away, of late.

I think Buzz hit the nail right on the head when she said that your song selection makes you seem old. You have the pipes and the moxie and the personality to pull off a much hipper performance. So do it, girl.

And of all the songs tonight, I had the hardest time believing that Gwen Stefani was inspired by this one. "Heaven Knows?" Really?

But I still love you, Melinda, and I think you'll up the ante next week and I'm still rooting for you to go all the way!!

1. Gina Glocksen

"I'll Stand by You"

Hey, no one's more shocked by this than I am.

I'm not a huge fan of La Glocksen; I have a chip on my shoulder regarding faux rockers. Fact is I detest 'em.

But even I have to admit that Gina was great last night. Her song choice was perfect and her performance was great. The fact that I'm giving her the number one spot over Melinda this week says a lot about how impressed I was by her performance.

Don't rub it in by making me elaborate.

Well, as usual, this is just my opinion. What did you guys think?

P.S. I love you, Gwen!!! Look at her!! So pretty!!!

So pretty!!