STILL COOL!

My sister walked into my room last night as I was watching (and chatting about) "American Idol."

"Whoa," she said, obviously shocked, "I can't believe he's still cool."

"Like, you can't believe that some people still think he's cool?" I was ready to throw down to defend my man.

"No... no," she replied slowly, as though she couldn't believe what she was about to say, "He's actually still cool. He looks really cool. How did he do it?" She really was confounded.

Well, my sister, nobody knows. That is the magic of Bon Jovi. He is ossom.

Anyhoots, to get to the actual point of this post: RANKINGS!

The fact that this week's votes and last week's votes are being combined doesn't really help me, but I'll deal with it.

6. Chris Richardson (SHOULD AND WILL BE BOOTED)

"Wanted Dead or Alive"

MAN, Timberfake gets worse every week. I wasn't a fan of his nasal whine to begin with, but using it to desecrate classic Bon Jovi? Sacrilege!

He super-suckity-sucks and, barring a change of loyalty in "Vote for the Worst's" votership, he should bow out this week.

5. Jordin Sparks

"Livin' on a Prayer"

What? Surely it isn't my fault that she was awful last night. And she was awful. She hit a few of the big notes at the end, but that doesn't change the fact that the entire rest of the song was sung off-key. But she was pretty darned good last week, so I think she'll be sticking around.

4. Phil Stacy (SHOULD BE BOOTED)

"Blaze of Glory"

Man, I love this song. I almost always pick it when I go karaokeing.

And Sgt. Gollum did okay; probably the best he's done in a while.

But he still sucks and I wish he would go away. I really hope that America proves that "Vote for the Worst" and Howard Stern (ewwww) do not hold sway in our glorious nation.

3. LaKisha Jones (WILL BE BOOTED)

"This Ain't a Love Song"

Oh, LaKisha. When will you learn to dress for your body type? *sigh*

Her song was pretty good; the best she's done in a long time. It actually wasn't that boring.

But I don't think it was good enough to save her from her snore-worthy performance last week. But it's okay. We've still got Melinda and Jordin.

2. Melinda Doolittle

"Have a Nice Day"

I hate to use an AI cliche, but Melinda totally took this song and made it her own! Despite her admission that she's totally not a rocker, it was a good, solid performance. Well-played for a non-rocker, fo sho.

1. Blake Lewis

"You Give Love a Bad Name"

Speaking of making a song your own, Blake did a GREAT job of remaking this song in his own style. Bad remakes have this arrogant air about them, like the artist thought that the original style was not good enough for him (see Sligh, Chris: "Endless Love").

But good remakes have a humble air about them, like the artist loves the original and can't do it justice, so he'll settle for doing it the only way he knows how -- by beatboxing it.

Blake did a great job this week and, while I agree with Simon that some will absolutely love it and some will absolutely hate it, I'm definitely on the "LOVE" side.

Come on, America. Don't shoot me through the heart and give love a bad name.

Did anyone else out there think of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog through the entirety of last night's episode?