Who loves Tony Bennett??

(ME! MEEEE!!!)

I look forward to weeks like this where it's nearly impossible to pick a bad song because there aren't any bad songs (only bad performers, hardy har har). Overall, the performances were good; I liked almost every single one of them (one guess which one I thought was awful).

And Tony Bennett rocks!! He's so adorably old!!

I think he gave the kids great advice, too. He knows what he's doing, that Tony.

I think the most unique aspect of this week's episode was that I remembered most of the contestants more for their outfits than for their performances (which is good for some, not so much for others).

The only exception to this rule was Melinda, who was back in full form to the Melinda I know and love and am rooting for!! Not that she didn't look adorable, but, man, I stood up in my room and shouted, "YES!!" when she was done.

And now: RANKINGS!! I've based my rankings on performance, but cannot help but to comment on the clothes.

9. Sanjaya (SHOULD BE BOOTED)

"Cheek to Cheek"

Man, oh, man. Like Simon, I just have no words. "Incredible!" And the idiot says, "Thank you!!" as though he thought Simon was being sincere and not using reverse psychology on America AT ALL.

As usual, his voice was really wobbly and, through his entire performance, I was on edge, waiting for him to hit a bad note. That's the worst part of Sanjaya's performances -- I'm always drained by the end from trying to protect myself from his sour notes.

Worst of all, his hair was le naaasty this week. The suit by itself would have been rather sharp, but, paired with that hair, it made him look like a bad Thai pimp (yes, I know he's not Thai. But India is not half as infamous when it comes to prostitution).

8. Gina Glocksen

"Smile"

Man, it made me cringe when it was announced that she'd be singing "Smile." This is one of my all-time favorite songs. When Ruben Studdard sang it in Season Two, I loved the heck out of it. It's part of the reason I liked him enough to actually pick up the phone and vote that year.

And, as expected, Gina's vocals were sub-par and SHE RUINED ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS FOR ME. Thanks a lot, Glocksen. I thought that was Sanjaya's job, but I guess you guys tag-team.

As far as her look -- I was so perplexed! Tony told her it's a song about hope, right? So why was she dressed So inappropriately? I felt like this was a number from "Pretty Woman: THE MUSICAL!!!" Glocksen plays Kit, the older, more experienced prostitute, who gives Vivian (played by Haley Scarnato in that shiny, green monstrosity of a dress) advice after she fails to turn any tricks her first night on the street and their pimp (played by Sanjaya, in all his greasy-haired glory) threatens to choke her if she doesn't pay up. "Smile," Glocksen/Kit urges Vivian, "and maybe you'll turn some tricks tomorrow."

*shudder*

7. Phil Stacey (WILL BE BOOTED)

"Night and Day"

BOOOOORING.

Sgt. Gollum has a good voice, I'll give him that. But he also looks creepy and if last night was any indication of how he feels about his wife (who is cute as a button, btw), then I pity her for being trapped in such a lukewarm marriage.

His outfit wasn't bad, but I think maybe he should've worn an undone bow tie a la Justin Guarini in Season One (he did "Route 66" and I LOVED it. What? Hey, we all have our flaws).

6. Haley Scarnato

"Ain't Misbehavin''

This was almost literally a cabaret performance. After she was done, I was surprised the Ryan Seacrest came onstage instead of Joel Grey.

Her choreography made her more fun to watch than Phil, but I did have an almost irrepressible urge to reach into my television set and shield the eyes of the many children that I'm sure were watching.

Her vocals were tolerable, but I hope to high heaven that she gets booted next week. Next week, because I don't think I can stand another week of Sgt. Gollum and I think I'm going to have to stand another week of Pimpjaya.

5. Blake Lewis

"Mack the Knife"

You are so cute, Blake. Really. That's why it pains me to have to admit that you were lackluster this week. Why can't you smile while you sing? Timberfake can do it. Why can't you? It would add SO much to your performance.

The good news, though, is that I LOVED what you were wearing. You were the fifth-best performer, but you were the very sharpest dresser!! Loved the tie, loved the shirt, loved the blazer, loved it. And I know you'll shape up for next week's performance.

4. Chris Richardson

"Don't Get Around Much Anymore"

How shocked was I when Timberfake turned out two good performances in a row?

He did start off totally flat, but was so energetic and on tune for the rest of his performance that, by the end, I was nodding my head, saying, "Not bad," to myself! That is no mean feat, Timberfake, and I must give you props.

Wasn't too crazy about the vest/fedora combo, though. It was so cheesy.

3. Jordin Sparks

"On a Clear Day"

Jordin poses an interesting dilemma for me. She's got a strong voice, which is why she's consistently in the upper half of my rankings. And she's cute as a button.

But she's boring as all get-out. Not only is she an old person in a young body. She's the sort of old person that sits in her Barcalounger, snoozing all day.

She has a great voice, but I feel like she doesn't connect with her songs; they mean nothing to her.

And that vest was doing her no favors, either. Hit in all the wrong places. Go look up some pictures of America Ferrara, girl. Now there's a big girl who knows how to work it.

2. LaKisha Jones

"Stormy Weather"

LaKsha surprised me by starting off sharp. But she adjusted quickly and the rest of her performance was full of sass, fun to watch.

But she, like Jordin, doesn't seem to connect much to her songs. I mean, I've seen some pretty dead eyes in my time, but LaKisha sings almost robotically, occasionall scrunching up her face to hit a high note (which she does well, btw).

I think she should have listened to Tony and ended on the big note -- esp. since, now, all America knows that SHE DID NOT TAKE TONY BENNETT'S ADVICE. Shame on her.

Besides, she kinda messed up the end of that last tag. Sounded like she ran out of breath.

She's a good singer with a strong voice, but she just doesn't have the personality to pull off the big win.

And that dress was... iffy at best. I could not stop staring at her boobs. Don't get me wrong; they were magnificent, but when you're singing on a family show like "Idol," you want people to stare at you and not just your girls.

And dresses like that are just so much at odds with the sort of person she seems to be. They look out of place on her. Maybe it's a little classist of me, but that's just the way I feel about it. If you're going to glam a girl up, you should glam her ALL the way up and not just slap a fancy dress on her and tell her to get out there.

1. Melinda Doolittle (IF SHE DOESN'T WIN IT ALL I'M NEVER WATCHING "IDOL" AGAIN)

"I've Got Rhythm"

This girl is the total package.

When I watch her, I can listen freely, confident that she will never hit a sour note.

Her performances are energetic, emotional, and you can tell that she really pours her heart into her singing.

She never wears anything that makes me want to avert my eyes.

And, to top it all off, she's so humble! And you can tell it's not an act, too.

After two weeks of sub-par (for her) performances, she's back with a fury! Simon said the first part of her performance was rather "cabaret," but 1. Not compared to Haley and 2. I, for one, thought it was just fun.

Love, love, love Melinda!! She is such a professional, that girl!

What do you guys think?